I finished up reading Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel just in time to drop it off at the library on the due date. I learned a lot from this book as a parent and as a Christian. Grace based parenting is basically the opposite of fear based parenting. This could be operating out of fear for your children, or causing your children to react out of fear of you. This summary from page 213 really puts it all into perspective.

"Grace-based parenting is not a checklist for parenting; it’s a lifestyle. It’s a clear attempt to retrofit your minds to respond to your children in the same way God responds to you;. Being different, vulnerable, and candid isn't something you do as a grace based family; it’s something you are. "

More than anything reading Grace Based parenting got my wheels turning even if it wasn't principals straight out of the book. First of all the number one best thing I can do for my kids is be an example. I won't be perfect and I will have to admit that and even ask forgiveness (which I have had plenty opportunities for already). But there is no way I can teach them and want them to succeed in a way that I am not holding true to in my own life.

Second my goal is not to raise good kids. My goal is to teach and equip my children for the real world as adults. I had a dog that I trained to do tricks, perform on command, and obey certain cues, but my children are not dogs. It's tempting sometimes to want them to do what I say because they know better and to look like upstanding citizen out in public, but if it's all just a bag of tricks then it amounts to nothing. Some people are completely against any kind of bribes, but lets face it there is usually a reward when it comes to performance. Some people are against warnings. My thoughts are that you can give too many warnings, but in reality if I was an adult that never got any warnings or second chances I would have failed at a lot of the things that I have been able to accomplish. With every discipline, praise, or instruction I am trying to lead with the big picture in mind.

I am a 3 year old when it comes to motherhood because that's the age of my oldest son, and I am totally aware of that. I am sure I will look back and see how ignorant I was, but by the grace of God I can raise up children to love, serve, and live out the amazing plans that the Lord has for them.

This blog has seemed to turn into a tracking sytem for my 2011 new years goals. I have been writing about all the successes I have had with cleaning the house, date nights, family time, reading, etc. The problem is, as much as I want to keep momentum going with the good stuff, I also want to keep it real with ALL the other stuff that is far too often more typical. For example,

Sunday- We went to the park for an evening of fun with friends. Z fell down the slide and bit his tongue. He was okay, but it was bloody, and our clothing had to pay the price.

Photo from that night.

Monday- I had good intentions of having everything clean and organized for the babysitter. I was going to lay out the kids pajamas and leave snacks with little notes that would be helpful. However, somehow the day ended up having a few less hours than most (or maybe not, but that is how it felt), so I ended up frantically running around a messy house at the last minute and wishing the babysitter good luck on my way out the door.

Tuesday- I got the time mixed up for a photo shoot. I showed up two hours early, they were not ready for me and I had to leave and come back. In the end it took up half of my day.

Wednesday- I washed a load of cloth diapers with an ink pen. Granted it could have been worse if it were clothing, but it's still disappointing that most of the diapers and a white wet bag are now blue speckled.

Photographic evidence of some of the damage.

This brings us to today. The house is not clean, the kids are not dressed, I am not making a nice meal tonight. I know it sounds like I'm being negative, but I just don't want anyone that doesn't know me in person to think I have it altogether, although I doubt that's a problem with the amount of typos that frequent this blog. So, in reference to my last post I am still feeling blessed and refreshed, but that doesn't mean that I'm not still a mess.

The head pastor is away this week and so J is in charge at church! This means a very busy schedule for him and a week at home alone with the kids for me. I have had my fair share of play time lately so I think I can handle it.

Two weeks ago I was able to attend part of the CFNI worship conference and see some of my favorite worship artists Brian and Jenn Johnson. I've got the new album and I am LOVE. ING. IT.

Then last night we went out to use the groupon we got for Christmas and had one of the best dates ever. It was technically just dinner and a movie, but the dinner was at Simply Fondue in Dallas (it's reservation only, so pretty fancy schmancy).

We started with salads, followed by some exotic Mediterranean cheese fondue, then we got to pick 6 different meats along with many other scrumptious sides for the main course. Of course by then we are totally stuffed, but somehow managed to finish it all of with an assortment of desserts to dip in a chocolate Bailey's sauce. It was incredible!

Afterward we saw The King's Speech.

We both gave it two thumbs up which is a marriage miracle for us. We tend to differ in movie reviews, me being the pickier of the the two of us, but I loved this film. It's rated R for language (just a heads up), but I love the actors, the era, I love that it's a true story. I could go on and on. Hopefully it will come out strong this weekend at the Academy Awards.

All that to say, I may have an intense week ahead of me, but I feel blessed, refreshed, and ready to take on whatever comes next.

As I mentioned at the beginning of the year I have wanted to start working on preschool lessons with Z . All of his other little friends are in day care, mother's day out, or pre k so I was a little concerned that he would fall behind by just staying at home with me. I have had several people assure me that he has plenty of time before he starts school and that I don't need to worry. So, I am not pressuring him in anyway. He is about to be 3 and a half and has at least 12 years of structured schooling ahead of him so now is a good time for him to explore and have fun in a laid back atmosphere.

I am glad to have started the lessons at home with him though. It gives us a chance to have mommy son time, which I know makes him feel special. After our lesson he gets to put a sticker on the calendar for that day. We usually do this a couple times a week.


At the beginning of the year he could say his ABC's and count, but he could not consistently name any of the letters, colors, or numbers with any accuracy. In just 2 months of working together on this he now knows how to spell his first and middle name. He can even write it (although it's not always legible). He knows several letters of the alphabet and sometimes remembers what sounds they make. He can also recognize most shapes and about 8 colors.


That's where we are at right now. I look forward to looking back at this next year and seeing how far he has come.

When SJ was about 3 months old she started sucking her thumb. I panicked, I blogged about it, and finally embraced it. Then after all that she quit at about 6 months. She loves the pacifier now, but she will ONLY take the Soothie brand. I have heard that it is the kind that they give you at the hospital (although, I wouldn't know first hand). I had about 4 or 5 them which soon dwindled to two and then one. I had committed in my mind to never have to spend any money on a pacifier. When they are gone they're gone, I told myself. Easier said then done. We would be up in the middle of the night looking for the paci. I would overturn furniture in desperate attempt to find the paci during the day. I literally have had multiple dreams about these coveted soothie pacifiers. I had a dream this week that I was on a beach and SJ's soothie pacifiers were washing up onto the shore. Another time I dreamt that there were a bunch of them in the back of a drawer. Soon enough and with the overwhelming support of my husband I did go out and buy some more soothies... in every color.

Z was a paci addict too, but he took any paci we gave him. He took other kids pacis from them. He would suck on a paci while crawling around with a backup in his hand. I was worried sick that we would never be able to break this child, but when the time came (he was 16 months old) I packed them up with some of the other things I was bringing to the attic and that was that. It was so much easier than I ever expected.

However, I know this is not always the case. I heard this comedian, Dorie Mclemore tell a story about her daughters addiction and her attempt at an intervention. They called it a binky and in the middle of the night they took the binky while she was asleep. When the girl woke up she started looking for it and wanted it back. So Dorie explained "while you were asleep the binky fairy came and took all your binkies away, but look she left something under your pillow for you!" The little girl looked under her pillow to find 4 shiny quarters. She immediately cheered up and with with hope filled eyes cried out "we can buy another binky!"

I love that story. I don't know what recovery looks like for my little paci addict, but what I do know is I am not going to worry about it right now.

Do you have any paci/binky/soothie testimonies?

Last week I said that I was going to start reading Same Kind Of Different As Me. Well, I did start it and finished it within three days. I loved this book so much I had to force myself not to read it all at once. The story is about "a modern day slave, an international art dealer, and the unlikely woman who bound them together" (to steal the words right off the cover).