Wednesday, July 29, 2009

You can't trust the intuition of a woman on a mission

Wisdom always tells us not to over think things. You almost always find the what you are looking for when you stop looking, whether that be your sunglasses, a spouse, or in my case a positive pregnancy test.

We hadn't been trying to conceive for that long, but with each passing month I began to get a little more anxious. So I decided the "it will happen when it happens" approach that we took with our last pregnancy wasn't going to work this time, and I was going to have to take control of the matter. I began to journal everyday about the whole process, charting every detail that would pertain to fertility. I was tracking my temperature using a basal thermometer, taking prenatal vitamins everyday, and being very aware of what phase of my cycle I was in. I was a woman on a mission and the mission was to get pregnant!

By the end of the month I began starting to feel like I could be pregnant and those feelings increased everyday. There were a lot of things that pointed toward pregnancy and my intuition was telling me that I was. The journal entries escalated from "I think I might be pregnant" to "I am %99.9 sure I AM pregnant." I even posted on my friend Lexi's blog that I thought for sure I was, but like I said I guess you can't trust your intuition when your a woman on a mission. I had my due date calculated and everything was planned out, but with each negative pregnancy test I began to be really confused. I was so desperate for answers that I even spent $75.00 for a blood test, which confirmed that I was not nor had I been pregnant.

I was discouraged to say the least. It's not that I wanted to be pregnant THAT bad, it's just that I didn't understand how I could be so certain and be wrong about it. That's where my quest for fertility ended. The following month I stopped taking my temperature, stopped charting, I even stopped taking my vitamins, which I now regret. It was on the 4th of July that I began to feel a bit off and the idea popped in my head that I could possibly be pregnant. I said last time that I wasn't going to put myself through that again, and so I tried to get the idea out of my head. That night I dreamt that I was pregnant, I woke up and argued internally on whether or not to take a pregnancy test. Finally I decided that I wasn't going to stop thinking about it until I took one, so I went ahead and took a test that I already had on hand and I didn't even have to set it down for the positive line to appear. At first I was just in shock, but it didn't take long for me to spring into maternal action and start to calculate the due date, take my vitamins, and get ready to embark upon another one of life's most amazing journeys.

1 comment:

Amy said...

I completely understand what you were going through! That's about how it happened with Elizabeth!! I took so many stinking tests, finally gave up, then found out we were expecting before too long! I really am so happy for you!

On another note: Chris got me tickets for my birthday to Seabird next week! :)